a cry

I have made many mistakes in my life

And hurt others along the way

With my insensitivity and lack of the Love I profess.

I am not perfect, I humbly confess.

I am  doing my best.

Seeking what is good for my soul,

Purging all the rest.

It Is a process

and God is not finished with me yet.

It is His Grace that keeps me aright,

That lifts me up when I stumble and fall.

If not for His Grace, I would not be here at all.

Only by His mercy, am I fulfilling the call.

In His love toward a wretched sinner

I have a Hope that resides in me

Taking the wrong course terrifies me

I cling to Truth that sets me free

Stumbling along the way

Yet tomorrow is a new day

Renewed in Mercy

Oh Lord, have Mercy

stop with the expectations!

Seriously. Stop.

All my life I have been told that good things are coming.  That: “you just wait, and the right thing will come around!”  Okay sure, I do believe that good things come to those who wait.  But, how long do you have to wait until you actually start doing?  Must we just sit there patiently and wait for things to fall from the sky for us??

So patience is a virtue, right? Right!  It is also a fruit of the Holy Spirit.  One that for me is a great challenge producing (help me Lord!).  But it is good to practice being patient with others, patient with yourself, etc. etc.  I think it is out of context that when people consider waiting equals sitting idly and expecting something to fall out of the sky, in the meantime, wasting life away. I have realized, finally, after 10 years, that time is of essence, and life is meant for living, NOT WAITING!!!  What are we waiting for?? The future?? Don’t worry, it’s coming! And it’s coming fast! so put down your “over thinking caps” and put on your cape, and let yourself live. Laugh a little. Cry if you need to, but by all means, please stop pitying yourself while waiting for something to happen. Go out, get busy, and you will see how rapidly things will fall into place! The doors that will burst open for you, the friends you will make!  LIFE is meant to be taken advantage of, not the other way around!!

With that being said, I hope you can hop off your device and go outdoors and see the opportunities that await!

Bye, off to go living!

 

To my fellow introverts: help!

How many of my fellow introverts find dating to be quite exhausting? Anybody else out there or am I the only one who actually avoids it due to the constant need to explain to others my need for space, my love of being alone and indoors. That quiet solitude is a total norm for me, and no; I’m not mad at you, I do like you, and yes! I am having a lot of fun! What does an introverted girl need to do to keep the love coming, but also keep it at a safe distance until further notice?
Okay, I do have game, and I have no problem snagging a man. But as an introvert, I have a tough time opening up and letting people in. And I mean friends too. New friends. Sure, I am super bubbly, outgoing, and extroverted whenever the feeling strikes. But mostly, I am quiet, calm, collected, and always juggling several different thought processes in my mind. But I do enjoy having you around, even if my lack of enthusiasm often times throws you off.
What are some ways I can perhaps relay myself better so that I don’t come off as cold or rude? Which to be quite frank, I intentionally become thus when people try to barge in on my personal and/or private space. Boundaries people, boundaries! Also, as an independent female, sound, and completely okay fending for myself; how do I resist falling into a bit of panic or get overwhelmed when I’m met with someone who is extremely needy, clingy, and constantly needs my attention? How best can I tackle these issues as an introvert who truly wants to be your friend, soul mate, whatever; but also someone who really needs to take their time before diving in?
Thoughts, tips, comments?
Xoxo,
Tatisreverie 

Running my own Race

Goals are an interesting phenomena.  We set them based on our skills and strengths.  We set them to overcome weaknesses by presenting ourselves with numerous challenges. Then, we dip into our prowess to make dreams a reality.

Why do we goal set? Easy; to get a head in life, right? I hate to ask this, but have you ever compared your effort with someone else’s?  I have. I have.  I had to take a step back and have a pep talk with my inner self to reassure myself that we all grow at our own personal pace.

Sometimes, however, I cannot fathom how some people are just blessed.  Blessed. And I mean BLESSED with something I am working so hard to attain.  Almost as if that came so effortlessly to them.  They were given it. Born with it. Or got lucky and have that which I yearn for. Which I pursue with such vigor; sometimes wearing myself out to the point of exhaustion but always picking myself up again and persevering.  I have been told all my life that “life is not fair” but in all honesty, that does not even begin to justify this phenomena.  It is quite unfathomable to me. I cannot in my mind come to terms with this reality.  How is it that I can put in all my time, effort, invest so much of myself into one or two particular goals, anticipating a specific outcome, only to come up with nothing?  Yet I look around and see others practically flaunting those things so nonchalantly..it causes me so much wonder, almost to a point of anger. How is this possible? And why are my seeds taking so long to sprout? 

A few days ago, I stumbled upon a great quote comparing and contrasting people in all stages of life and the end result/outcome.  The bottom line was that everyone is going at their own pace.  We cannot mock or envy those around us, because they are running their race at their pace, as are we. As am I.  I found solace in that, and was greatly satisfied to stumble upon something that agreed with what I have been thinking on, and what I have eventually come to terms with.  I no longer feel left behind, forgotten, although difficult at times.  I have decided my race has been outlined specifically for me, and I would never be the amazing woman I am today, had I not gone through the challenges life presented me. I am continually growing and developing, achieving and failing. Learning and pressing on.  

Inner being

The things we do: struggle with, cannot overcome, the things that control us.  What if most of our problems are our own undoing? What if we are to blame for our mistakes? What if the core of our problem is our own self?  A bad habit, for example.  Why do we fall back to this?  Is it because it’s comfortable? it’s safe, provides some sort of relief?  Although destructive, we continue that habit for temporary self-gratification.

Now I am not that naive to imply everything bad is our own fault.  That is far from what I believe.  Rather; I strongly believe culture/society, religion, social status, education, and most importantly, childhood rearing play a large role in shaping and developing us into who we become as adults. How we perceive the world around us and how we respond to challenges.  Tracing back to the home will lead us to the genesis of our transformation. From the caterpillar to the butterfly set free to roam the world.  This is where we learn emotion.  How to handle it, receive it, resist it, learn to control it-or indulge.  What you were shown in the home, becomes the model for your life until you realize that some things just weren’t up to par.  That you have the ability to change the way you see things.  I think it is very important to discover who you are at the core, and break down walls that have caused you to close yourself in; and mark boundaries that have allowed destruction in your life.  Learn who you are. Trace your steps backward, inward, deep into the crevices of the heart where it’s a little eerie.  Where things are kept safely hidden away from the world to see, even yourself.  But these are precious things, this is you.  And You are worth discovering.

setting goals and chasing dreams

Productivity: the cure to a yearning soul.

I have discovered that one of the greatest motivators is staying productive.  I never understood the concept of setting goals and making progress to achieve them.  I always thought goals were something adults did to gain wealth or other out of worldly accomplishments.  I suppose I  never attempted goal setting simply because I thought it was beyond me.  But I have discovered that goals are milestones, set by you, solely for you. What do you want to do, what do you love to do? What is your passion, calling, something you want to learn?  Whatever it is, write it down, chase it, try it, and if you love it, keep it as as precious jewel and lay it in your treasure chest; setting room aside for more.

Mornings with Jesus

 

Today God came through for me in such a glorious way!I’ve been taking a new bus route to work, faster and smoother, but jam-packed. The past couple of times, I had to stand because there was no room to sit. Anyway this beautiful spring morning, I wanted to wear a dress and wedge heels, and actually look nice (hello, summer!) but the mere thought of going on the packed bus, squished with people, and possibly having to stand in my dainty wedges and pretty green dress nearly deterred me from that route.  I was contemplating taking a route further from home-with more walking and stops- but the ride promised to be nicer and more comfortable in a cozy two story bus.  Sounds dreamy right? It did to me that early morning as I weighed the options during my drive.  I ended up changing my mind last minute and decided to go through with my usual route, and swerved into the park & ride just before I passed it.  And also as usual, there was a line.  So I was sure that I’d have to be standing the entire hour drive.  In line, I realized I didn’t bend my knee in prayer before I left home so I started to say a quick prayer but then stopped short; asking myself why I have to breeze through this prayer like a quick mandatory instruction page.  I decided God deserves more of my precious time, and what better things to do but pray while wait? So pray I did.  The clock kept ticking, my prayers to God about reserving me a seat on the bus kept traveling upward..and then the moment came when the bus arrived. Perhaps out of dread that it’d be so full, and I’d probably be standing, I didn’t want to look at the bus. I just filed in line right behind the person ahead of me.  As the bus got closer to us and finally came to a stop, I glanced over my shoulder, but then had to take a double take! What is this I’m seeing??? My mouth (internally) dropped to the ground, and my world stopped spinning for a brief moment.  I had to make myself continue walking in line, awestruck by the two story bus I’ve been longing for this morning standing in front of me;  waiting for me to get myself together and get on board! Did they finally get a new bus  for this packed route??  Whatever the reason, I climbed those stairs to the top in sheer joy, found a comfy seat next to a sleeping commuter, and sat down in praise.  What a glorious surprise.  These are my morning with my Glorious Jesus.

I CAN do all things..

 

 

 

Relocating to the city has been an experience far grander than I ever imagined. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever imagined this at all.. As I stand around in wonder, taking in the sights; I am filled with inexpressible joy and humility. I have learned how small I am, that I cannot see this city in one day. That I cannot learn its language in one moment, or adapt to its culture instantaneously. Rather, I have been taught the opposite. That humility takes you far, curiosity allows you to see in depth, and stepping out of your comfort zone will reveal a world You did not realize existed.  As I mentally chew on my thoughts, I realize how far I’ve gone and thought to myself; what would I say if someone asked me if I thought about whether I could do it or not ? I have come to the conclusion that it’s not whether you can or can’t, it’s a matter of if you do or don’t. Because after all, I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.