One of the greatest gifts I have received in my life is the challenge of becoming a strong, independent female fending for myself. The grind, the hustle; it never stops. Now, I am not saying I am the only one who has it tough: I see you, single Moms. Moms juggling kids and their own College education, Moms of four homeschooling while hubby is grinding all day making sure he has enough to provide for the family. It is exhausting. But one thing is even more so: being single, alone, a small circle, and going home to no one after a long day of battling the daily trials in this dog eat dog world. Alone, with only myself to rely on when I need encouragement, a pat on my back, and a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes I proudly flaunt my strength. And yet other times, I buckle down and cry in the silence of my small world. Broken, afraid, and alone. And I cherish those intimate moments too. Moments with my thoughts and my soul. Meditating on things Higher. That is where I find myself again, and regain the strength to dust myself off and keep moving forward. Here’s to all the strong women in my life and in this world. I see you, I applaud you.
I have made many mistakes in my life
And hurt others along the way
With my insensitivity and lack of the Love I profess.
I am not perfect, I humbly confess.
I am doing my best.
Seeking what is good for my soul,
Purging all the rest.
It Is a process
and God is not finished with me yet.
It is His Grace that keeps me aright,
That lifts me up when I stumble and fall.
If not for His Grace, I would not be here at all.
Only by His mercy, am I fulfilling the call.
In His love toward a wretched sinner
I have a Hope that resides in me
Taking the wrong course terrifies me
I cling to Truth that sets me free
Stumbling along the way
Yet tomorrow is a new day
Renewed in Mercy
Oh Lord, have Mercy
All my life I have been told that good things are coming. That: “you just wait, and the right thing will come around!” Okay sure, I do believe that good things come to those who wait. But, how long do you have to wait until you actually start doing? Must we just sit there patiently and wait for things to fall from the sky for us??
So patience is a virtue, right? Right! It is also a fruit of the Holy Spirit. One that for me is a great challenge producing (help me Lord!). But it is good to practice being patient with others, patient with yourself, etc. etc. I think it is out of context that when people consider waiting equals sitting idly and expecting something to fall out of the sky, in the meantime, wasting life away. I have realized, finally, after 10 years, that time is of essence, and life is meant for living, NOT WAITING!!! What are we waiting for?? The future?? Don’t worry, it’s coming! And it’s coming fast! so put down your “over thinking caps” and put on your cape, and let yourself live. Laugh a little. Cry if you need to, but by all means, please stop pitying yourself while waiting for something to happen. Go out, get busy, and you will see how rapidly things will fall into place! The doors that will burst open for you, the friends you will make! LIFE is meant to be taken advantage of, not the other way around!!
With that being said, I hope you can hop off your device and go outdoors and see the opportunities that await!
Bye, off to go living!
If you asked me what I am doing, I would tell you I am sitting here being angry. Angry at the laws and rules and regulations that society, culture, religion make for us. How they shape and mold and condition our mind. Predict our future and what to expect, then throw us into the winds of this world, barely able to fly, and watch in disdain when we crash and burn.
No one told me reality has no mold, no law, no regulation, no limit, and no regard for my conditioning. Rather, it threw life into my face; whether I was ready or not. I was completely caught off guard, trying to juggle all the curve balls while maintaining a balancing act upside down, on one arm, with the audience of the whole world watching pitifully as I struggle. And that is a modest picture. But, the show must go on. So what do we do? Who can give us the answer? Or even a clue? What is life? How do I live it without screwing it up even further?
What I have come to realize is that Life is not something anyone can prepare for. Life is a gift. Yet unfortunately, we receive this gift with bias, skewed perspectives, dread, misconception, etc. etc. We blow through our twenties searching for meaning and purpose; while committing the most sins possible, and running on mercy and grace, repenting every Sunday morning. We near our thirties, anxious about the fact that we have not figured life out yet, only to realize; life doesn’t turn out the way we have expected! Life did not turn out the way it was supposed to be, the way we were told! And with tear streaked faces, we slowly come to terms with the realization that we may never receive what’s “expected”. Whatever that is, anyway. We may never figure life out. We may never please culture or religion. Society is always changing its fickle mind. Life is meant for living. In the here. In the now. Day by day. One step after another. This is life. It should be championed. Cherished. Lived! This is what I wish I was told when I reached my 20’s.
How many of my fellow introverts find dating to be quite exhausting? Anybody else out there or am I the only one who actually avoids it due to the constant need to explain to others my need for space, my love of being alone and indoors. That quiet solitude is a total norm for me, and no; I’m not mad at you, I do like you, and yes! I am having a lot of fun! What does an introverted girl need to do to keep the love coming, but also keep it at a safe distance until further notice?
Okay, I do have game, and I have no problem snagging a man. But as an introvert, I have a tough time opening up and letting people in. And I mean friends too. New friends. Sure, I am super bubbly, outgoing, and extroverted whenever the feeling strikes. But mostly, I am quiet, calm, collected, and always juggling several different thought processes in my mind. But I do enjoy having you around, even if my lack of enthusiasm often times throws you off.
What are some ways I can perhaps relay myself better so that I don’t come off as cold or rude? Which to be quite frank, I intentionally become thus when people try to barge in on my personal and/or private space. Boundaries people, boundaries! Also, as an independent female, sound, and completely okay fending for myself; how do I resist falling into a bit of panic or get overwhelmed when I’m met with someone who is extremely needy, clingy, and constantly needs my attention? How best can I tackle these issues as an introvert who truly wants to be your friend, soul mate, whatever; but also someone who really needs to take their time before diving in?
Thoughts, tips, comments?
Goals are an interesting phenomena. We set them based on our skills and strengths. We set them to overcome weaknesses by presenting ourselves with numerous challenges. Then, we dip into our prowess to make dreams a reality.
Why do we goal set? Easy; to get a head in life, right? I hate to ask this, but have you ever compared your effort with someone else’s? I have. I have. I had to take a step back and have a pep talk with my inner self to reassure myself that we all grow at our own personal pace.
Sometimes, however, I cannot fathom how some people are just blessed. Blessed. And I mean BLESSED with something I am working so hard to attain. Almost as if that came so effortlessly to them. They were given it. Born with it. Or got lucky and have that which I yearn for. Which I pursue with such vigor; sometimes wearing myself out to the point of exhaustion but always picking myself up again and persevering. I have been told all my life that “life is not fair” but in all honesty, that does not even begin to justify this phenomena. It is quite unfathomable to me. I cannot in my mind come to terms with this reality. How is it that I can put in all my time, effort, invest so much of myself into one or two particular goals, anticipating a specific outcome, only to come up with nothing? Yet I look around and see others practically flaunting those things so nonchalantly..it causes me so much wonder, almost to a point of anger. How is this possible? And why are my seeds taking so long to sprout?
A few days ago, I stumbled upon a great quote comparing and contrasting people in all stages of life and the end result/outcome. The bottom line was that everyone is going at their own pace. We cannot mock or envy those around us, because they are running their race at their pace, as are we. As am I. I found solace in that, and was greatly satisfied to stumble upon something that agreed with what I have been thinking on, and what I have eventually come to terms with. I no longer feel left behind, forgotten, although difficult at times. I have decided my race has been outlined specifically for me, and I would never be the amazing woman I am today, had I not gone through the challenges life presented me. I am continually growing and developing, achieving and failing. Learning and pressing on.
As the day proceeds and the minutes march on, my last moments of 27 drip away as if I’m watching an hourglass. Sigh.. the things that life teaches. Things I wish I knew when I was younger, mistakes that could have been avoided. Sins that could’ve not been committed. Woes and worries, stress and anxiety. Your car speaker going out on your already failing car. Putting it up for sale praying it’ll go for a decent price. stretching every last dollar, yet indulging in that yummy cafe latte that you simply cannot resist. Fighting back tears as emotions get the best of you when you realize you’ve sold yourself short. And fierce determination building up, reclaiming your strength, demanding you get back up again and keep moving. Sucking up the pain, worry, and realizing these are the daily battles we face in life. Understanding finally the exclamation “putting my big girl panties on and dealing with it”. Life. It’s chaotic, it’s messy, it’s confusing, frustrating, rewarding, blissful, wonderful, adventurous, excruciating at times, full of trials, but the greatest teacher to all the lessons we have yet to learn. Day by day, year by year. Marching on like an everlasting army. Moving, and moving, and moving. On and on and on. Life. It has been beautiful. Thank you God for another year of this roller coaster ride where the highs are high, and the lows can be painstakingly low. It’s a beautiful life. and I am thankful for each day.