Relocating to the city has been an experience far grander than I ever imagined. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever imagined this at all.. As I stand around in wonder, taking in the sights; I am filled with inexpressible joy and humility. I have learned how small I am, that I cannot see this city in one day. That I cannot learn its language in one moment, or adapt to its culture instantaneously. Rather, I have been taught the opposite. That humility takes you far, curiosity allows you to see in depth, and stepping out of your comfort zone will reveal a world You did not realize existed. As I mentally chew on my thoughts, I realize how far I’ve gone and thought to myself; what would I say if someone asked me if I thought about whether I could do it or not ? I have come to the conclusion that it’s not whether you can or can’t, it’s a matter of if you do or don’t. Because after all, I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
I want to start off by thanking my good Lord Jesus for taking me down this path; the path of trials, pain, hurt, confusion, anger at times, tears..and many of them. Loneliness, hurt, discomfort, agonizing moments..humility. I am so thankful. I would have never chosen this path on my own, but I praise the Lord for taking my vow and my prayer when I uttered the words “Forgive me, accept me, make a home in my heart, and become my personal Savior for I am yours”. He took that prayer and molded me into someone that I am beginning to fall in love with. Not because I am becoming more me, but that I am becoming more HIM. The individual of myself that I look back on is someone that is so foreign to me now. The very image I used to hold on to so dearly now causes me to brace myself, before looking back and remembering the life I used to think was good. When Jesus became my personal Savior, He also became my only Friend. Literally. At first, it was a relieving escape. But as the months turned into years..and years into longer years..I began to really feel the agony of being alone. Not only was I alone, I began to find no comfort or satisfaction in confiding in even my closest family. No words could soothe my soul; they simply did not understand my heart’s cry. And that is when I realized that I have no one. And in this lonesomeness, I turned to Christ; who was with me the whole way and was waiting for me at the end of the road. And then began the real test. How far can I go, how long can I wait, how low will I stoop? I have seen myself do things I never would have done in the old “body” so to speak. I have listened in to my thoughts, even into prayers uttered from the deep of my heart that astounded me. Where is this coming from? Who is teaching me these things? I never knew that I knew this! It’s as if a whole new world is being opened up to me. And I realize it is the hand of God, His Holy Spirit leading me, guiding me, and when I stumble and fall; gently nudging me to get up again and keep pushing forward. Forward to His Love, His Hope, and His everlasting Promise.
This path: had I looked only on the surface of things, my carnal self would never have taken it. But this is the path my Creator destined for me, and I could not be happier. For in the straight and narrow path lays joy, blessing, hope, foundation, and rest-beautiful rest, for our tired and weary souls.♥