One of the greatest gifts I have received in my life is the challenge of becoming a strong, independent female fending for myself. The grind, the hustle; it never stops. Now, I am not saying I am the only one who has it tough: I see you, single Moms. Moms juggling kids and their own College education, Moms of four homeschooling while hubby is grinding all day making sure he has enough to provide for the family. It is exhausting. But one thing is even more so: being single, alone, a small circle, and going home to no one after a long day of battling the daily trials in this dog eat dog world. Alone, with only myself to rely on when I need encouragement, a pat on my back, and a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes I proudly flaunt my strength. And yet other times, I buckle down and cry in the silence of my small world. Broken, afraid, and alone. And I cherish those intimate moments too. Moments with my thoughts and my soul. Meditating on things Higher. That is where I find myself again, and regain the strength to dust myself off and keep moving forward. Here’s to all the strong women in my life and in this world. I see you, I applaud you.
How many of my fellow introverts find dating to be quite exhausting? Anybody else out there or am I the only one who actually avoids it due to the constant need to explain to others my need for space, my love of being alone and indoors. That quiet solitude is a total norm for me, and no; I’m not mad at you, I do like you, and yes! I am having a lot of fun! What does an introverted girl need to do to keep the love coming, but also keep it at a safe distance until further notice?
Okay, I do have game, and I have no problem snagging a man. But as an introvert, I have a tough time opening up and letting people in. And I mean friends too. New friends. Sure, I am super bubbly, outgoing, and extroverted whenever the feeling strikes. But mostly, I am quiet, calm, collected, and always juggling several different thought processes in my mind. But I do enjoy having you around, even if my lack of enthusiasm often times throws you off.
What are some ways I can perhaps relay myself better so that I don’t come off as cold or rude? Which to be quite frank, I intentionally become thus when people try to barge in on my personal and/or private space. Boundaries people, boundaries! Also, as an independent female, sound, and completely okay fending for myself; how do I resist falling into a bit of panic or get overwhelmed when I’m met with someone who is extremely needy, clingy, and constantly needs my attention? How best can I tackle these issues as an introvert who truly wants to be your friend, soul mate, whatever; but also someone who really needs to take their time before diving in?
Thoughts, tips, comments?
Productivity: the cure to a yearning soul.
I have discovered that one of the greatest motivators is staying productive. I never understood the concept of setting goals and making progress to achieve them. I always thought goals were something adults did to gain wealth or other out of worldly accomplishments. I suppose I never attempted goal setting simply because I thought it was beyond me. But I have discovered that goals are milestones, set by you, solely for you. What do you want to do, what do you love to do? What is your passion, calling, something you want to learn? Whatever it is, write it down, chase it, try it, and if you love it, keep it as as precious jewel and lay it in your treasure chest; setting room aside for more.
She feels her soul colliding with the abyss
into the mist that she cannot see, only feel
her soul; it soars and she chases after it hurriedly
through salty water, and silky sand
through dirty streets and alley ways
hand in hand
not willing to part ways
she holds her emotions back, but her eyes betray her
her soul is torn
churning, seeking solace as it tries to evade the emotional torment
yet she prolongs this journey, blindly, curiously, eagerly
but also, very much aware
and she steps foot into the ocean..and lets herself be moved with the waves
two hearts beating..two hearts yearning..two hearts set a blaze
she sheds her sense of direction and wades further
passion is calling. she is swayed
enveloped, she knows she must flee
but she hides in the dark, and the ocean roars on
until morning comes, and she’s found crying in the dawn
her soul is broken, her heart torn in two
for a life that feels borrowed
yearning for things that cannot be
her eyes like the ocean, crashing against the shore
in furious waves, pouring out the condition of her soul
entertaining thoughts with impossible dreams
but time is of essence
although time stood still it seems
she took one last look
and in the night’s flicker
it was gone
the moment that was everything
the moment that was all
I want to start off by thanking my good Lord Jesus for taking me down this path; the path of trials, pain, hurt, confusion, anger at times, tears..and many of them. Loneliness, hurt, discomfort, agonizing moments..humility. I am so thankful. I would have never chosen this path on my own, but I praise the Lord for taking my vow and my prayer when I uttered the words “Forgive me, accept me, make a home in my heart, and become my personal Savior for I am yours”. He took that prayer and molded me into someone that I am beginning to fall in love with. Not because I am becoming more me, but that I am becoming more HIM. The individual of myself that I look back on is someone that is so foreign to me now. The very image I used to hold on to so dearly now causes me to brace myself, before looking back and remembering the life I used to think was good. When Jesus became my personal Savior, He also became my only Friend. Literally. At first, it was a relieving escape. But as the months turned into years..and years into longer years..I began to really feel the agony of being alone. Not only was I alone, I began to find no comfort or satisfaction in confiding in even my closest family. No words could soothe my soul; they simply did not understand my heart’s cry. And that is when I realized that I have no one. And in this lonesomeness, I turned to Christ; who was with me the whole way and was waiting for me at the end of the road. And then began the real test. How far can I go, how long can I wait, how low will I stoop? I have seen myself do things I never would have done in the old “body” so to speak. I have listened in to my thoughts, even into prayers uttered from the deep of my heart that astounded me. Where is this coming from? Who is teaching me these things? I never knew that I knew this! It’s as if a whole new world is being opened up to me. And I realize it is the hand of God, His Holy Spirit leading me, guiding me, and when I stumble and fall; gently nudging me to get up again and keep pushing forward. Forward to His Love, His Hope, and His everlasting Promise.
This path: had I looked only on the surface of things, my carnal self would never have taken it. But this is the path my Creator destined for me, and I could not be happier. For in the straight and narrow path lays joy, blessing, hope, foundation, and rest-beautiful rest, for our tired and weary souls.♥