setting goals and chasing dreams

Productivity: the cure to a yearning soul.

I have discovered that one of the greatest motivators is staying productive.  I never understood the concept of setting goals and making progress to achieve them.  I always thought goals were something adults did to gain wealth or other out of worldly accomplishments.  I suppose I  never attempted goal setting simply because I thought it was beyond me.  But I have discovered that goals are milestones, set by you, solely for you. What do you want to do, what do you love to do? What is your passion, calling, something you want to learn?  Whatever it is, write it down, chase it, try it, and if you love it, keep it as as precious jewel and lay it in your treasure chest; setting room aside for more.

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The night that’ll never be again

You appeared unannounced

uninvited

I was not looking for you

yet there you were

and my heart was instantly smitten

to my surprise

and yours.

you took me by the hand,

and you showed me the moon

and even though I knew this could not be

I allowed my heart and my head to swoon

I followed you through the night

and let you rest your head upon my shoulder

as we ventured through the city

night after night

knowing soon this will be over

the adventures that awaited

flash through my mind

as memories flood back

and I smile every time

although my heart it hurts

the knowledge gained is crucial

the experience of past mistakes

laughter into tears

sheer ecstasy into inconsolable sorrow..

was it worth the pain

was it worth it at all?

The questions we dared not ask

allowed to leave unsanswered

we rode through alley ways

laughing in the night wind

our hearts heavy

but we forbade it to sink in

and deep into the night, as we travel on

we wait in embrace trying not to catch the dawn

yet our eyelids betray us

as sweet slumber steals our infinity

until I wake to a bittersweet moment

where I am left alone

staring back at you

as my heart begins to tear

In ways I never knew

You are a memory I cannot take

yet a memory I often return to

the night beside the water

where you showed me the stars and moon

the clouds that danced above us

sweet silhouettes before our eyes

while we gazed unto the heaven

agonizing over the coming sunrise

we threw caution to the wind

 and conquered the sultry night

hurriedly, painfully, blissfully

the night of many stars

the night of broken hearts…

while time it waited for no one

Marching on without a care

disregarding our distance

laughing at our despair

but in it’s hurried pace

it swept us along

mending our broken hopes and dreams

time

we thought our enemy

was the greatest healer of things.

as the coals of passion settle

and ashes fall to the ground

I find that when i search for you in my memory

my heart no longer is bound

I do not reach for you

while I gaze into the sky

I peer into the horizon between us

magnificent as the stars

the moon we no longer gaze at breathlessly

has laid it’s plaster upon our tainted scars

Out of the abyss

She feels her soul colliding with the abyss 
into the mist that she cannot see, only feel
her soul; it soars and she chases after it hurriedly
through salty water, and silky sand
through dirty streets and alley ways
hand in hand
not willing to part ways
she holds her emotions back, but her eyes betray her
her soul is torn
churning, seeking solace as it tries to evade the emotional torment
yet she prolongs this journey, blindly, curiously, eagerly
but also, very much aware
and she steps foot into the ocean..and lets herself be moved with the waves
two hearts beating..two hearts yearning..two hearts set a blaze
she sheds her sense of direction and wades further
passion is calling. she is swayed
enveloped, she knows she must flee
but she hides in the dark, and the ocean roars on
until morning comes, and she’s found crying in the dawn
her soul is broken, her heart torn in two
for a life that feels borrowed 
yearning for things that cannot be
her eyes like the ocean, crashing against the shore
in furious waves, pouring out the condition of her soul
entertaining thoughts with impossible dreams
but time is of essence
although time stood still it seems
she took one last look
and in the night’s flicker 
it was gone
the moment that was everything
the moment that was all

Mornings with Jesus

 

Today God came through for me in such a glorious way!I’ve been taking a new bus route to work, faster and smoother, but jam-packed. The past couple of times, I had to stand because there was no room to sit. Anyway this beautiful spring morning, I wanted to wear a dress and wedge heels, and actually look nice (hello, summer!) but the mere thought of going on the packed bus, squished with people, and possibly having to stand in my dainty wedges and pretty green dress nearly deterred me from that route.  I was contemplating taking a route further from home-with more walking and stops- but the ride promised to be nicer and more comfortable in a cozy two story bus.  Sounds dreamy right? It did to me that early morning as I weighed the options during my drive.  I ended up changing my mind last minute and decided to go through with my usual route, and swerved into the park & ride just before I passed it.  And also as usual, there was a line.  So I was sure that I’d have to be standing the entire hour drive.  In line, I realized I didn’t bend my knee in prayer before I left home so I started to say a quick prayer but then stopped short; asking myself why I have to breeze through this prayer like a quick mandatory instruction page.  I decided God deserves more of my precious time, and what better things to do but pray while wait? So pray I did.  The clock kept ticking, my prayers to God about reserving me a seat on the bus kept traveling upward..and then the moment came when the bus arrived. Perhaps out of dread that it’d be so full, and I’d probably be standing, I didn’t want to look at the bus. I just filed in line right behind the person ahead of me.  As the bus got closer to us and finally came to a stop, I glanced over my shoulder, but then had to take a double take! What is this I’m seeing??? My mouth (internally) dropped to the ground, and my world stopped spinning for a brief moment.  I had to make myself continue walking in line, awestruck by the two story bus I’ve been longing for this morning standing in front of me;  waiting for me to get myself together and get on board! Did they finally get a new bus  for this packed route??  Whatever the reason, I climbed those stairs to the top in sheer joy, found a comfy seat next to a sleeping commuter, and sat down in praise.  What a glorious surprise.  These are my morning with my Glorious Jesus.

I feel strong
Often misunderstood 
But unshaken nonetheless 

I feel empowered

Courageous even

Although I admit I am weak

I am fragile

I try my best to be meek

Shortcomings, yes

The urge to quit? No.

Torn apart

Yet intricately sewn back together

Shattered, yet made new

This world, though it try

It will not destroy

It will not conquer

It will not subdue

I will fight
I have the will to survive

I CAN do all things..

 

 

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Relocating to the city has been an experience far grander than I ever imagined. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever imagined this at all.. As I stand around in wonder, taking in the sights; I am filled with inexpressible joy and humility. I have learned how small I am, that I cannot see this city in one day. That I cannot learn its language in one moment, or adapt to its culture instantaneously. Rather, I have been taught the opposite. That humility takes you far, curiosity allows you to see in depth, and stepping out of your comfort zone will reveal a world You did not realize existed.  As I mentally chew on my thoughts, I realize how far I’ve gone and thought to myself; what would I say if someone asked me if I thought about whether I could do it or not ? I have come to the conclusion that it’s not whether you can or can’t, it’s a matter of if you do or don’t. Because after all, I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

 

 

 

Beauty is the aftermath

I want to start off by thanking my good Lord Jesus for taking me down this path; the path of trials, pain, hurt, confusion, anger at times, tears..and many of them. Loneliness, hurt, discomfort, agonizing moments..humility. I am so thankful. I would have never chosen this path on my own, but I praise the Lord for taking my vow and my prayer when I uttered the words “Forgive me, accept me, make a home in my heart, and become my personal Savior for I am yours”.  He took that prayer and molded me into someone that I am beginning to fall in love with. Not because I am becoming more me, but that I am becoming more HIM.  The individual of myself that I look back on is someone that is so foreign to me now. The very image I used to hold on to so dearly now causes me to brace myself, before looking back and remembering the life I used to think was good.  When Jesus became my personal Savior, He also became my only Friend. Literally.  At first, it was a relieving escape.  But as the months turned into years..and years into longer years..I began to really feel the agony of being alone.  Not only was I alone, I began to find no comfort or satisfaction in confiding in even my closest family.   No words could soothe my soul; they simply did not understand my heart’s cry.  And that is when I realized that I have no one. And in this lonesomeness, I turned to Christ; who was with me the whole way and was waiting for me at the end of the road.  And then began the real test.  How far can I go, how long can I wait, how low will I stoop?  I have seen myself do things I never would have done in the old “body” so to speak.  I have listened in to my thoughts, even into prayers uttered from the deep of my heart that astounded me.  Where is this coming from? Who is teaching me these things? I never knew that I knew this! It’s as if a whole new world is being opened up to me. And I realize it is the hand of God, His Holy Spirit leading me, guiding me, and when I stumble and fall; gently nudging me to get up again and keep pushing forward. Forward to His Love, His Hope, and His everlasting Promise.

This path: had I looked only on the surface of things, my carnal self would never have taken it.  But this is the path my Creator destined for me, and I could not be happier.  For in the straight and narrow path lays joy, blessing, hope, foundation, and rest-beautiful rest, for our tired and weary souls.♥